Retail Rodeo

April 10, 2003

by Bryce Kennedy

"Draw!!!!" I said. The mall security guard wrinkled his brow and tilted his head a little. I told him, "You best draw, boy. Don't ya go confrontin' a man if'n ya ain't prepared ta shoot him dead!" You see, since I became an outlaw cowby, I've had to be constantly on edge, ready to deal with any threat that comes my way, and ready to call any man's bluff. It all relates to the cowboy code that I made up when I was drunk. A cowboy doesn't back down for no man, never! If some yellow-bellied mama-slapper tries to get me to change my ways, he better be ready for the fight of his life. That's exactly what the mall security guard got. I almost won, too, but his gang showed up and bushwhacked me. Through all that, though, I stayed true to the cowboy code. I bend for no man! Even as they were pushing me out through the emergency exit, I continued to say, "Beat me all ya want, ya cowards. A cowboy does what he wants and says what he wants. And I say that cowboy chaps is pants enough for me! OH YEAH!"