S.T.A.M.

by Bryce Kennedy

July 1, 2003

It's July, and do you know what that means?!?! When I asked that question to Francis Beaumont III, the homeless gentleman I have tied up in my basement, he said, “Aaaaaaaaah!” Wrong again, Franky! July is Star Trek awareness month!

I decided to kick off this year's S.T.A.M. by reenacting famous scenes from the original Star Trek series. This morning, I started with a scene from episode #342, where Captain Kirk drinks an entire bottle of champagne and wrestles an evil ‘dog-alien’ to regain control of his ship. Then, this afternoon, I continued with a scene from episode #546-G, where Captain Kirk finishes a six pack of Smirnoff Ice, steals a ‘space dirtbike,’ and crashes it into an elderly alien's above-ground pool. I wrapped up this evening with a scene from episode #3,496, where a shirtless Captain Kirk downs about 14 cans of Tecate Beer, jumps through his neighbor's front window, rushes the kitchen, and starts rubbing cooked ham on his bare chest......to save his ship......or something. My neighbor already had the ham out for me. Somebody's in the S.T.A.M. spirit!

This month is just starting, and I have a lot of scenes to do. At least three a day! Yes sir! There's going to be plenty of bicycle burning (ep. #112), shnapps drinking (ep. #253), and robot punching (ep. #4) in the weeks ahead. Happy Star Trek Awarenenss Month everybody!!!