The Greatest Movie Ever Told

by Bryce Kennedy

July 10, 2003

My film career is soaring to new heights this week, pals! But before I go into more detail, I'd like to give a special thank-you to the WB Network. Last week, they showed me a movie that changed my life, and inspired me to become the next Steve Speilberg or Joe McSomethingStein. The name of that movie was “Air Bud: 7th Inning Fetch.” It chronicled the exploits of an unnamed golden retriever and his sports-related hijinks. When I watched the movie, I thought, “Man, this sucks worse than Tron! I could make a better movie than this in an hour!”

And that’s just what I did.

Eight banana daquiris, four dog treats, and one burlap sack later, I had my neighbor's golden retriever in my “studio” and I was ready to film. While I was shooting for one movie, I ended up with enough material to make SEVEN movies! I figure after post-production work, they should all be around two hours. These next seven installments in the Air Bud series add the gritty realism and gripping drama that was lacking from the previous films, and will save the once-doomed Air Bud franchise:

Air Bud 5: Who Pooped on the Rug?
Air Bud 6: Who Peed on the Rug?
Air Bud 7: Who Chewed up my Modern Bride Magazine?
Air Bud 8: Dammit! Who Pooped on the Rug Again?!?!
Air Bud 9: For the Love of God! How many times can this dog poop in an hour?!?!
Air Bud 10: I’m not Cleaning THAT Up!
Air Bud 11: Space Freaks vs. Computer Mutants

Now, doesn’t that just chew you up and spit you out? You bet it does! In your face McSomethingStein! Booyah!