CurzTech Laboratories
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Here you'll find the actual logs written by the developers of the CurzTech GuardFish®. These logs were de-classified just a few days ago so we could bring you the truth. If you have any questions concerning these logs, please E-Mail us.
CurzTech GuardFish® Logs
Day 1:
Installed new fins on the fish, old ones were rusting too fast due to the high salt content we have been forced to use to keep the fish "alive". We are still trying to get the promoters to realize that anything below a certain saline content causes strange behaviours in the fish. They told us they'd take care of it and say salt water is a requirement for it to live. The salt level seems to lower the hostility level of the fish, but i'm worried about releasing this without more testing.
Day 2:
Sent the model known as "Killer" off the the military test section. After chewing off the hand of one of the program sponsers, they feel they might be able to market it to small countries wanting to threaten their neighbors. Noticed strange behavior in the fish, almost like they want to try to walk, but that can't be since they have no legs.
Day 3:
Well, we've had to separate the fish, all 42 of them. It seems that after living together for more than 3 days they seem to start killing each other off. Lost two more members of the CurzTech Internship Program while transporting some of the fish, but we filed some papers with the appropriate agencies and the problems will be taken care of. I wonder, some of the fish have little stubs toward the back, could that mean something?
Day 4:
Lost another Intern. Seems one guy couldn't find his glasses and saw them on the other side of one of the fish tanks. Instead of going around the tank (Absolute Rule #217, why can't they remember them all?!) he reached over and must have fallen in. At least that's what we're saying, actually no one was around. Also, need to make note to the cleaning people they aren't drying the floor well enough, there were water spots (almost like footprints ha ha) all around the tank.
Day 5:
Geez, those night watchmen are messy, found water all over the lab, and Spike, the leader of the fish (and probably smarter than some of the scientists in the lab) disappeared. Probably one of the night guards knocked it out of the tank accidentally and didn't think anyone would notice. Yeah, like I didn't notice the chicken (big chicken too!) bones he left behind in the tank. Oh well, we'll use the cloning machine...hmmm...that's missing too.
Day 6:
Hmmmm. Had a report from the nuclear section of the labs, said there could be some problems with the power cell they'd given us to test in the fish. Well, i'm glad they told us now, before any of the side effects they reported showed up, legs on a carniverous fish like the GuardFish® could definately cause problems. Noticed today that all the fish look the same, only a little smaller. In fact, if I had to guess, I'd say (heh heh) that they all looked like little copies of Spike, but i'm sure that couldn't be. Also, really need to call the cleaning crew supervisor, everytime I come in there's a new set of cleaning equipment in the doorway. The office on my left is clean, but not the one on my right. It's like the cleaning crew gets to my lab and decides they don't want to clean anymore, sheesh!
Day 7:
Well, we took some of the fish out of the tanks for testing and left them out while we went to lunch. When we came back they were still alive. That's great, we can now market them as amphibious in nature instead of being just fish. Now, we just have to figure out how they managed to multiply. That's right, cam in this morning and every tank had two fish in it, bringing the total to 82 fish. We'll have to get more tanks, but for the next day or so they should be alright. We'll be checking tomorrow to find out how a bio-mechanical object without a reproductive system could reproduce. I've never heard of it, although if I could find my darn cloning machine, I could do it with that..oh well.
Day 8:
Well, this replication is getting out of hand. There were 12 fish in each tank, and I swear they all look the same. I guess that's to be understood, but we still can't figure out how they did it. We took one completely apart (although we lost another three Interns getting him out) and couldn't find anything different from what our designs say. On another matter, we really have to get new cleaning people. I found the cloning machine in the back of one of the coat closets at the end of the hall this morning. Also found stacks of cleaning equipment and a copy of our notes. I've already reported it to Security, but I would really like to come in one morning to find the trash empty instead of filled with bones (do these guys own a chicken ranch or something?!).
Day 9:
I swear these cleaning people don't know anything about cleaning, but they must like practical jokes. Today I came in and found a "note" saying, "We are going to do to you what you have done to us fish! We will kill you and add robotic parts and poison you with radiation. You have been warned!!!" Sheesh, that is really the last straw. Also, noticed that the fish seemed to watch me wherever I went in the lab today. Kinda erie, but I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for it.
Day 10:
Today I took over the GuardFish® Project from the previous director. Apparently he didn't feel it was necessary to finish the project, instead taking his own life by stabbing himself with broken mop and broom handles. 50 times. In his back. Oh well. There were also strange growths around his stomach, probably due to the high radiation output of the nuclear power cells that were shoved in an anotomically painful place. I was impressed though, he did manage to leave behind a lot of fish for me to work with. Unfortunately, there aren't any logs but this one and it doesn't include any detailed plans for actually building a GuardFish®, so I'll have to take a few of them apart and see what makes them tick. That's always the most fun part anyway!
This ends the CurzTech Laboratories GuardFish® Development Log. We apoliogize, but the rest of it was a mess apparently created by throwing everything into a large fish tank. We assume that the fish were either destroyed by the lead scientist or were stolen one-by-one by the janitors, none of whom we've found since the beginning of the project. We do hope they haven't taken them to another corperation, but if we find they have been stolen through industrial espianage, we will be filing charges at the first opportunity.
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